Ok
You know, sometimes I just hate it when I'm right.
I knew things would work out the way they did. Yes, I'm angry. And hurt. But mostly angry. At myself. I knew all along that the man that I love, yes, love, would break my heart. He got married almost a month ago. Didn't tell anyone, just left his hand out with a ring on it, hoping (silly man!) that an office full of women wouldn't notice. (Though I suspect, he did want us to). Then, when we do, he acts bothered that such a private thing, would need to be discussed, oh and by the way, they are expecting a son in June.
Nice.
I try to be gracious. You see, I'm not an ex. I'm a never was. I told him that I liked him, right here on this very blog (don't bother looking, already deleted), I said I would quit, he said don't, do you want to go with me on the bike trail? I was confused. Not sure what he was getting at, but after a couple of Thursday nights, I was encouraged to go on my own and take my kids. He was charming, still, but I knew. I tried to let it go. I did very well mostly, except for a few late night phone calls. ALRIGHT! Drunk Dialing! He was busy couldn't talk. I took the hint.
Then I was asked to buy some cards for several people in the office. I am a great card buyer. I volunteered for the job. There is nothing I like better then spending time at the Hallmark shop, laughing, wondering where they come up with this stuff! Stopping strangers from their own card shopping to "read this card!", which they agree is very funny, and then slowly and nervously start backing away. I don't care. I love to laugh. So I am asked to buy 2 graduation cards, a birthday card, and a wedding card.
All of these make sense. I know who all of these belong to. I start to walk away, and the manager stops me and says "Make it 2 wedding cards." I know. Right then. I ask, who for, but I know. She says she can't tell me as she was sworn to secrecy. I say not good enough, if she were really committed to that she wouldn't have asked for the other card. She refuses to say, I let it go. I already know.
I bought his card, the card that will tell him everyone in the office wishes him and his bride a "happy ever after." I try to comfort myself with the fact that he was careless, a coward, and that our office as a whole must mean nothing to him, as when he did announce it, it was at the tail end of an e-mail about computer issues saying that he didn't think that anyone would notice a little piece of metal, he feels rushed sometimes when he has to come in during the day, and he got married and is pregnant. It was as if he was hoping that no one would read the e-mail as generally, nobody does.
But I see the ribbon hanging from his mirror, and I know. No matter how he tries to down play it, he is happy.
And I am just acting as if......
I knew things would work out the way they did. Yes, I'm angry. And hurt. But mostly angry. At myself. I knew all along that the man that I love, yes, love, would break my heart. He got married almost a month ago. Didn't tell anyone, just left his hand out with a ring on it, hoping (silly man!) that an office full of women wouldn't notice. (Though I suspect, he did want us to). Then, when we do, he acts bothered that such a private thing, would need to be discussed, oh and by the way, they are expecting a son in June.
Nice.
I try to be gracious. You see, I'm not an ex. I'm a never was. I told him that I liked him, right here on this very blog (don't bother looking, already deleted), I said I would quit, he said don't, do you want to go with me on the bike trail? I was confused. Not sure what he was getting at, but after a couple of Thursday nights, I was encouraged to go on my own and take my kids. He was charming, still, but I knew. I tried to let it go. I did very well mostly, except for a few late night phone calls. ALRIGHT! Drunk Dialing! He was busy couldn't talk. I took the hint.
Then I was asked to buy some cards for several people in the office. I am a great card buyer. I volunteered for the job. There is nothing I like better then spending time at the Hallmark shop, laughing, wondering where they come up with this stuff! Stopping strangers from their own card shopping to "read this card!", which they agree is very funny, and then slowly and nervously start backing away. I don't care. I love to laugh. So I am asked to buy 2 graduation cards, a birthday card, and a wedding card.
All of these make sense. I know who all of these belong to. I start to walk away, and the manager stops me and says "Make it 2 wedding cards." I know. Right then. I ask, who for, but I know. She says she can't tell me as she was sworn to secrecy. I say not good enough, if she were really committed to that she wouldn't have asked for the other card. She refuses to say, I let it go. I already know.
I bought his card, the card that will tell him everyone in the office wishes him and his bride a "happy ever after." I try to comfort myself with the fact that he was careless, a coward, and that our office as a whole must mean nothing to him, as when he did announce it, it was at the tail end of an e-mail about computer issues saying that he didn't think that anyone would notice a little piece of metal, he feels rushed sometimes when he has to come in during the day, and he got married and is pregnant. It was as if he was hoping that no one would read the e-mail as generally, nobody does.
But I see the ribbon hanging from his mirror, and I know. No matter how he tries to down play it, he is happy.
And I am just acting as if......
posted by Momcani at 5:31 PM
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