Hey Kids!
Well! This has been a stressful couple of months! New jobs, changes all around! I haven't been able to read the blogs I enjoy, let alone post anything. Ah, well.
The new job is going well. I'm sure that the boss is rethinking how wonderful she thought I was. Its a new job, but I am still holding myself to the an incredible standard thinking I should know everything right away. Anyway, I am sure I will be fired for my inability to handle the job. Its a personality flaw. I am always convinced that I don't have the stuff, and any moment I will be fired. I am surprised everyday that I still have a job. I know that I am doing fine, but I hate mistakes, especially stupid ones. No they won't fire me, but I can't help the over developed sense of responsibility that I have.
As for the part time job, well that is a whole new set of adventures. My boss is asking me if I want my old position back, of receptionist, less hours, less stress. The reason is because the new girl that they hired, is quiting after a month and a half. Too much stress for her with school and work. Not that I didn't see it coming. I did. From the first day she was trying to see how she could shorten the day. I knew it would happen. But you know what bothered me the most? She invited other people at work out, but not me. I was just the trainer at work. What's up with that? I didn't think we were tight, but rude!! Did she think I wouldn't find out? Ok, I'm petty. But really!
Personally, it sucks. The soon to be ex is drinking more, and he is moving his parents to an assisted living facility. I am not with out compassion. His mother makes no sense anymore, the dementia is so bad, and his dad is looking frailer by the day. Everyone tells me though, its not my problem. This would have happened either way. Were we together or not. But it is happening. I worry for him. Things have always been taken care of by someone else. His parents, me. He is going to have to grow up. I just hate to position I'm in now. My son is watching me and has made up his mind that I am being cruel hearted. How do you explain to a 15 year old that you can't always make things right?
Every night, my heart crumbles to dust and blows away in the wind, and every morning it grows back, only to be crushed to dust again every night. I am a sad figure and am losing who I am. But there are those who are worse off than me. I have no right to complain. I just continue to act as if....
The new job is going well. I'm sure that the boss is rethinking how wonderful she thought I was. Its a new job, but I am still holding myself to the an incredible standard thinking I should know everything right away. Anyway, I am sure I will be fired for my inability to handle the job. Its a personality flaw. I am always convinced that I don't have the stuff, and any moment I will be fired. I am surprised everyday that I still have a job. I know that I am doing fine, but I hate mistakes, especially stupid ones. No they won't fire me, but I can't help the over developed sense of responsibility that I have.
As for the part time job, well that is a whole new set of adventures. My boss is asking me if I want my old position back, of receptionist, less hours, less stress. The reason is because the new girl that they hired, is quiting after a month and a half. Too much stress for her with school and work. Not that I didn't see it coming. I did. From the first day she was trying to see how she could shorten the day. I knew it would happen. But you know what bothered me the most? She invited other people at work out, but not me. I was just the trainer at work. What's up with that? I didn't think we were tight, but rude!! Did she think I wouldn't find out? Ok, I'm petty. But really!
Personally, it sucks. The soon to be ex is drinking more, and he is moving his parents to an assisted living facility. I am not with out compassion. His mother makes no sense anymore, the dementia is so bad, and his dad is looking frailer by the day. Everyone tells me though, its not my problem. This would have happened either way. Were we together or not. But it is happening. I worry for him. Things have always been taken care of by someone else. His parents, me. He is going to have to grow up. I just hate to position I'm in now. My son is watching me and has made up his mind that I am being cruel hearted. How do you explain to a 15 year old that you can't always make things right?
Every night, my heart crumbles to dust and blows away in the wind, and every morning it grows back, only to be crushed to dust again every night. I am a sad figure and am losing who I am. But there are those who are worse off than me. I have no right to complain. I just continue to act as if....
posted by Momcani at 7:04 PM
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