Grass Seed and Mini Vans
Last week, I was drinking. Not a lot but enough, and I wanted to talk so I called a friend of mine who I know is nocturnal, and we started talking. As I have said before, my husband and I have separated. This is not something that is easy to tell others. You don't walk in one day and say "hey everybody! Guess what?....". Even though it is something I wanted, its still not easy to talk about as there is so much emotion involved, its still pretty new, and you never know; I could decide that the demons I know vs the demons I don't, so I don't really want to talk about it. But apparently, last week I didn't have a problem talking about it.
So my friend ask me what was it? What was the thing that let you know, that this was it. The fight that ended with me asking my husband to move out was over...ahem...grass seed. I know, I know! How can that end a marriage? It was an absurd reason. I want grass seed put down. I buy it. He puts it down. Then doesn't water the lawn. Why did we buy grass seed then? There really was no reason to as he didn't even use the seed I bought. He used the seed from a year ago.
That is hard for people to understand. Grass seed! So let me tell you another story. I had cancer. Cervical. So if you've watched any television lately, you know that a virus, A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED VIRUS, causes that type of cancer. But I didn't have that type, I had plan ole' cancer. Doesn't matter really except that I feel like people are judging me. I was a tramp somewhere along the line I got what I deserved! Can't change that perception. Just like everyone who gets lung cancer, everyone says, "Oh! I didn't know you smoked!"
The biggest, most upsetting thing was that I was losing something that made me female. I was being hollowed out. In my mind, my value had been diminished, because I could no longer have children. I hadn't planned on having anymore, because, I had already reached maximum capacity in my 3 bedroom, one bathroom house. That didn't mean I didn't want anymore.
So I have to have a hysterectomy. I was having it at the hospital that I work for, because, in order to get the maximum benefit from my insurance, I had to. Because I am an employee, I have to have a sticker on my car that identifies me as such. If I part in the parking lot for patients of the hospital with that sticker, I get a ticket. The only way to avoid the ticket, is to call ahead and let the hospital security know that I will be there as a patient. So I did. I told them that I would be there in the brown van. Told my husband this too.
The day of the surgery, my husband goes out to start the van, and has it all ready to go. When I walk out, on a cold morning, I see that he has the black van all ready to go. I say"I told them we would be in the brown van!" My husband says "so!" I say", I'll get a ticket, and it will go in my permanent record!"
"So? Who cares?"
"I care! It's my record! They'll tow the van! I told you we were using the brown van!"
He stomps off, gets the keys, slams the door to the black van, starts the brown van, snarls "get in then!", and goes tearing off toward the hospital. He's showing me.
We get to the hospital, he parks far away from the door, hops out of the van, stomps off, I check in, the staff goes to take me back, he says "ok, bye..." turns around and walks out of the hospital! My escort says "Is that a friend of yours?" I said yes, because I was too ashamed to say it was my husband.
That is why we ended our marriage over grass seed. As you can see, I have a history of being unreasonable.
No, don't tell me that he was upset too. He was just acting out. No. I had cancer. I shouldn't have to accommodate him. It was happening to me. Now was not the time for me to be forgiving and understanding. This was not a martyr moment.
When he and I talk about this later, and I ask him how come he left me, he says "Well you were upset, so I figured you didn't want me there...." How very passive/aggressive of him. It was my fault. I was irrationally upset, and he was just taking his cues from me.
There are 16 years of moments like that. But, there you go. Grass seed.
So my friend ask me what was it? What was the thing that let you know, that this was it. The fight that ended with me asking my husband to move out was over...ahem...grass seed. I know, I know! How can that end a marriage? It was an absurd reason. I want grass seed put down. I buy it. He puts it down. Then doesn't water the lawn. Why did we buy grass seed then? There really was no reason to as he didn't even use the seed I bought. He used the seed from a year ago.
That is hard for people to understand. Grass seed! So let me tell you another story. I had cancer. Cervical. So if you've watched any television lately, you know that a virus, A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED VIRUS, causes that type of cancer. But I didn't have that type, I had plan ole' cancer. Doesn't matter really except that I feel like people are judging me. I was a tramp somewhere along the line I got what I deserved! Can't change that perception. Just like everyone who gets lung cancer, everyone says, "Oh! I didn't know you smoked!"
The biggest, most upsetting thing was that I was losing something that made me female. I was being hollowed out. In my mind, my value had been diminished, because I could no longer have children. I hadn't planned on having anymore, because, I had already reached maximum capacity in my 3 bedroom, one bathroom house. That didn't mean I didn't want anymore.
So I have to have a hysterectomy. I was having it at the hospital that I work for, because, in order to get the maximum benefit from my insurance, I had to. Because I am an employee, I have to have a sticker on my car that identifies me as such. If I part in the parking lot for patients of the hospital with that sticker, I get a ticket. The only way to avoid the ticket, is to call ahead and let the hospital security know that I will be there as a patient. So I did. I told them that I would be there in the brown van. Told my husband this too.
The day of the surgery, my husband goes out to start the van, and has it all ready to go. When I walk out, on a cold morning, I see that he has the black van all ready to go. I say"I told them we would be in the brown van!" My husband says "so!" I say", I'll get a ticket, and it will go in my permanent record!"
"So? Who cares?"
"I care! It's my record! They'll tow the van! I told you we were using the brown van!"
He stomps off, gets the keys, slams the door to the black van, starts the brown van, snarls "get in then!", and goes tearing off toward the hospital. He's showing me.
We get to the hospital, he parks far away from the door, hops out of the van, stomps off, I check in, the staff goes to take me back, he says "ok, bye..." turns around and walks out of the hospital! My escort says "Is that a friend of yours?" I said yes, because I was too ashamed to say it was my husband.
That is why we ended our marriage over grass seed. As you can see, I have a history of being unreasonable.
No, don't tell me that he was upset too. He was just acting out. No. I had cancer. I shouldn't have to accommodate him. It was happening to me. Now was not the time for me to be forgiving and understanding. This was not a martyr moment.
When he and I talk about this later, and I ask him how come he left me, he says "Well you were upset, so I figured you didn't want me there...." How very passive/aggressive of him. It was my fault. I was irrationally upset, and he was just taking his cues from me.
There are 16 years of moments like that. But, there you go. Grass seed.
posted by Momcani at 12:22 PM
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