Having to Cut Back
I was asked to go to lunch today with some friends. They had a craving for Oriental Chicken Salad and wanted me to go with. In the past, I would have said sure. But there are two reasons now that I don't. The first is that the Nazi micro managing pig that does payroll decided to automatically have a lunch deducted from our hours because one person complained that someone else was taking a longer than 30 minute lunch. So rather than confront the individual, a new policy was instituted that effects us all. Never mind all those times that we have worked through our lunch while sipping on a SlimFast, it not her fault we are fat. One person has given her an opportunity to be even more involved in our work day. This is a side effect of working with a bunch of insecure, bitchy woman.
The other reason is because, I am down to my own paycheck for support. I have stated before that I am impulsive in speech and actions, and this is one of those times when that kind of nature got me into trouble. When I asked my husband to leave, he said he would....as soon as we had the bills paid off. (I'm still puzzled by that, I mean, ...). I wanted him to leave so I said,"Don't worry about that, just go." He said,"How will you get by?" and I said, "Don't worry about me, I don't need your money..."
Another one of my failings is my pride. Normally not a failing, no, but again, this time it is hurting me. I don't want to ask him for money. I know! I am well aware of the fact that he has 4 kids, and doesn't he think he needs to support them? You're right! I agree! But apparently the answer to this is, no, he doesn't think that. I said, I didn't need his money. So I must not. I do not want to ask him for it. I'm not being fair to the kids, I know. But before you lecture me, I can pay for their food, clothing and the house. But there isn't a lot left over. School is starting soon, so the kids need new shoes, backpacks, at least a couple new shirts. My daughters tuition is due on the 8th. Not to mention the fact that I am fast approaching the Birthday season (3 of them have Sept birthdays, boy did I plan poorly!). I guess its just that I feel that I shouldn't have to ask. I mean come on! Taking the kids for Chinese food once a week, and putting caulk around a window isn't really fulfilling the obligation he has.
But its my fault. I took care of all these details when we were together. I would get mad at him when he would buy things without consulting me. He was not in the loop finacially, so now that he doesn't have me to answer to, he's like a teenager with his money. Its his. He is staying with his parents, not paying rent, just paying his car payment, insurance, and credit card, he works hard, why can't he spend it?
This is the hole I dug for myself. We were separated a couple of years ago, and this happened before. When I took him back, I made it clear that that was the reason...money. Not because I had a change of heart, money. I'm stupid because I am letting my pride interfere. I had the example shown to me by my mother. My dad told her "You'll come crawling back to me, begging me to take you back." She didn't. I grew up in poverty because of that. I don't know why the women in my family are so full of shit, we just are.
The other reason is because, I am down to my own paycheck for support. I have stated before that I am impulsive in speech and actions, and this is one of those times when that kind of nature got me into trouble. When I asked my husband to leave, he said he would....as soon as we had the bills paid off. (I'm still puzzled by that, I mean, ...). I wanted him to leave so I said,"Don't worry about that, just go." He said,"How will you get by?" and I said, "Don't worry about me, I don't need your money..."
Another one of my failings is my pride. Normally not a failing, no, but again, this time it is hurting me. I don't want to ask him for money. I know! I am well aware of the fact that he has 4 kids, and doesn't he think he needs to support them? You're right! I agree! But apparently the answer to this is, no, he doesn't think that. I said, I didn't need his money. So I must not. I do not want to ask him for it. I'm not being fair to the kids, I know. But before you lecture me, I can pay for their food, clothing and the house. But there isn't a lot left over. School is starting soon, so the kids need new shoes, backpacks, at least a couple new shirts. My daughters tuition is due on the 8th. Not to mention the fact that I am fast approaching the Birthday season (3 of them have Sept birthdays, boy did I plan poorly!). I guess its just that I feel that I shouldn't have to ask. I mean come on! Taking the kids for Chinese food once a week, and putting caulk around a window isn't really fulfilling the obligation he has.
But its my fault. I took care of all these details when we were together. I would get mad at him when he would buy things without consulting me. He was not in the loop finacially, so now that he doesn't have me to answer to, he's like a teenager with his money. Its his. He is staying with his parents, not paying rent, just paying his car payment, insurance, and credit card, he works hard, why can't he spend it?
This is the hole I dug for myself. We were separated a couple of years ago, and this happened before. When I took him back, I made it clear that that was the reason...money. Not because I had a change of heart, money. I'm stupid because I am letting my pride interfere. I had the example shown to me by my mother. My dad told her "You'll come crawling back to me, begging me to take you back." She didn't. I grew up in poverty because of that. I don't know why the women in my family are so full of shit, we just are.
posted by Momcani at 8:56 AM
2 Comments:
I won't lecture you, but the bottom line is that the children are both of your responsibility, morally and financially. You are correct that you shouldn't have to ask. A real man would take care of his responsibilities out of a sense of duty. But in the real world some guys don't live up to thier responsibilities. So don't ask. Demand. There's no shame in advocating for your kids. So do it for them and not yourself.
You know that I know you're right, right? I have asked for money twice. He hasn't asked why. But he doesn't make it easy to ask. "What do I get in return?", with a lear. Not only am I asking, but he tries to degrade me, too. The shameful part is that I allowed this for 16 years. That's the really horrible part. I get so mad at myself for the person I let myself be. I will demand, don't worry.
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