I Have Nothing to Say

I've said it all. Short of drawing a picture there is nothing more that I can do to make this clear.

I will be around to comment. I don't know when I'll post again.

Understandably, I'm Pissed.

So, as the soon to be ex no longer has to consult with me, he decides that him and the kids are going camping. In northwest Nebraska, along the South Dakota border. Because he wants to. And can. He really has no expenses, so why not?

He tell the kids. He tells them the destination. Three of the them, immediately bail. The oldest, well she has work and school. The two youngestdon't want to go as they will be camping at a park that has mountain lions. My boys are smart. Hungry mountain lion, little boy. The odds are not in their favor. So that leaves the oldest boy. He will go.

For a couple of months, every nifty camping gadget that can be bought, has been bought. I know. Because it has all been stored in my garage. All in 40 gallon totes. And that not including the firewood, or food. They are leaving at 4:00 tomorrow morning so that they can get to the park to get the park permit, before the park personal go home for the day. They will be sleeping in tents, but in case of bad weather, and it looks like there is going to be some, they will stay in the cabins at Fort Robinson. Its a very nice place, we stayed there couple years ago. No TV, just the family and a deck of UNO cards. It really was a great family vacation. Its late in the season, so not all the perks are available, but still beautiful country. Just off the sandhills, the biggest dessert outside of Africa (I know! Who would have thought in Nebraska!), and at the start of the badlands, it has something for everyone, even cows and corn.

So today, after my son gets out of school for parent teacher conference, he asks for the keys to the van. What for? He wants to get it ready for the trip.









That empty space above? That is my stunned silence.

Apparently, the soon to be ex, has been planning all along to take my van. The van that I use to drive around all these kids. That would be three, that will be staying here with me. While he takes one. He was going the leave the S10 pickup for my use. With three kids.

Of course it had to be a joke.

So I call his cell and leave this message:

"Oh my God! You will never believe the joke that your son just told me! That you were planning on taking the van on vacation! I know! I mean, not even you could be that inconsiderate, what with me having 3 kids here, and you taking one! I just had to share that with you, because there is no way that van is leaving this drive way!"

Too harsh?

My two youngest are staying a couple days with there grandma, who lives about 2 hours away. (In Nebraska, we tell distance in time!). So he calls my daughter, while I'm at work, and says its just a misunderstanding, he thought the boys were going to be gone all week, so no problem, he will take the truck.

What a guy.

He was on his way over at that time, and that was oh, 3 hours ago, but he must have got lost, so he ended up at the bar, found his bearings, then came over.

He doesn't want to start anything, he just wants me to understand, that I am not to leave any angry e-mails on his cell anymore. He will take the truck.

I correct voice mail, and ask him when was I gonna find out? When I looked out the window in the morning?

His feelings are hurt now, he might not want to go now.

I say it would be a shame to have spent all that money on all those toys and not go......for the three whole days he planned!

Oops. I've angered him. He drives off in his truck in a huff. With my son. And no equipment.

Yeah. He's so showing me.

Thanks for listening.

Observations

I'm in a bit of a mood today. I can't really classify it, but I think its best to say its pessimistic. I can't quite decided what to post about so, I thought I share a few observations from my morning so far.

A watched puppy will never pee.

I get my son up in the morning and then I take out the dog. The days are getting shorter, so still pretty dark out. She's a toy fox terrier, so she is pretty much white everywhere except her face, but she's still hard to see from the front door with the glare from the lamp. So I turn on the porch light. WHY DON'T I JUST ANNOUNCE TO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD THAT MY DOG IS ABOUT TO PUDDLE?! I swear the dog literally crossed her legs, rather then do her business under the harsh glare of the porch light! So I turned the light off. And walked away. My daughter let her in a few minutes later, and that dog came in and glared at me. Normally she keeps me company here at my desk, with her own princess pillow, but not today! She toughing it on the couch! She doesn't even want to know my name. She's acting all "cat".

No matter how many times you tell them, and for your efforts, get a "MOM! I KNOW! YOU TELL ME ALL THE TIME "(major eye roll!), a teenage boy will still not put the lid on the trashcan.

We live four blocks from a park. A park where wildlife likes to roam free. Where raccoons, when they get hungry, will leave the park and come to your back yard. And just for grins, will knock over your trashcan and scatter trash all over. And this will not be discovered until the teenage boy has already left for school.

Telling your kids that you are out of regular sugar, so they can use brown sugar on their cereal, is the equivalent of telling your kids to pour dirt on there Rice Krispies.

Brown sugar is apparently only good for oatmeal. And cookie recipes.

No matter how strong your resolve, you will cave and turn the heat on as soon as there is even a suggestion of frost.

My kids walk around in shorts and t-shirt and wonder why they are cold. I am sitting here in a sweater and a hoodie, and if hypothermia weren't setting in, I would be cranking up the heat. Its just a long walk to the other side of the house. Plus I have to pass the dog.

I am the Towel Fairy

Apparently I didn't know. Towels are dropped all over the house, with the faith and trust that the Towel Fairy will be along to pick it up, hang it up, or put it in the washer. Kids seem to be born with this knowledge, and I have been blissfully unaware that its me who has this job. Its kind of like being the Hulk. You see a towel on the floor, you hollar out "WHAT! ARE YOU WAITING FOR THE TOWEL FAIRY TO PICK THIS UP?" Then your eyes, hairs skin turn green, your clothes tear, but not on the seams, and your pants become capris and there's white hot fury, and you come to in front of the towel rack in the bathroom, dazed, wondering how you got there. Yeah. That's who I am.

None of my horoscopes for the day say that today is going to be good. I hope they were only referring to my morning.

Every Idea Sounds Good When Alcohol is Involved

Ok, I know that not a lot of people are reading this post, but I REALLY Need your help. I have been invited to a Halloween party, and the theme is "Movies and Television". Yes, they gave me plenty of notice, but as of late, I have been otherwise engaged. I do not like to spend money on costumes as the cool one cost $20 or more, and the kids only wear them for a couple of hours? Where's the value in that? As I am fiscally responsible, I need to come up with something that is related to tv and movies, that does not cost a lot of money.

I have been toying with the idea of a theater floor. You know, dressed in black, spilled popcorn, pop, empty candy wrappers, sticky. (double sided tape!). But the closer it comes to the event, the more doubtful I am. HELP ME! If you've never commented, this is the time. I am 42 with 4 kids, so I can't pull off Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, or Belle in Beauty and the Beast. I have come up with some great costume ideas for my kids, (all home made: Frankenstein, Viking, Mr Spock, a bug, The coolest Vampire ever! A medieval Princess) but I can't seem to come up with anything for me. If you have a blog, and don't mind that I piggy back, mention this. My costume must be like me: cheap, easy, and quick. ( Well! I'm not proud of that! Just don't want to lie to you!).

If this is what comment whoring is about, then go ahead, label me. Any and all suggestions, will be appreciated.

The Power of CSI

Ok. I don't watch a lot of t.v. The reason is that I'm always working, so its hard to find the time. I religiously watch "er" and "Law and Order". These two shows have been on forever, so I have a lot invested. I know "er" hasn't been the same since Benton, Green and Carter left, and no one can replace Lenny Brisco, but I'm committed!

So I really don't watch any other shows. On occasion though, I do have the tv on while I work. Its to drown out the sound of arguing teenagers, and an agitated 8 year old and a dog. (The 11 year old is ALWAYS quietly playing Playstation, without blinking).

So the t.v. is on. And I listen, a little. As I don't want to watch any new show, (I can't get involved!) I figured CSI is safe to listen to. Everything is solved within an hour, and as I'm working, I don't see all the gross stuff (but to be honest, when I peek, the images are kind of cheesy).

What amazes me is how easily all of the people on CSI, witnesses and suspects, just give it up to the CSI team. I mean, come on! If you're the killer, are you just gonna give up your DNA without your lawyer fighting tooth and nail to stop it? And if the CSI team gives a theory of the crime to you, are you just gonna spill your guts and say, "Ok, guys! You got me, I did it! He was stealing from me! She was cheating on me! It was gonna kill his mother, with his evil ways!"

Are these people that good? I feel like my intelligence is being insulted. And the CSI people are so smug! In Miami they always walk in slow motion, looking perfect, in New York, they are very confident, but in a prissy manner, that they will solve the crime, and in Vegas? Well I don't know, I don't see that one as often. My point is, well I really don't have one, I just feel like they dumbied up the show for characters, so that we would pay more attention to the science so if we ever decided to commit a murder, bank robbery, what ever, we know what bases to cover.

No, not a great post, but every time I see one of these shows, I just wonder about the power that these characters seem to have. I know its entertainment. But my kids don't even cave as quickly as these people do.

My Desk calendar

I swear, I don't know what I would do with out this calendar. I have one of those big, cover the whole desk calanders, like I'm really busy and important. Executive style. I have stuff scribbled all over it, passwords (to what? I don't know! My calendar can't be secure if I write what the passwords to on it, geez!), checking account amounts, upin numbers, hours worked, "ping(space)10.10.0.1" (I'm sure it was important at the time, too bad I don't have an IT friend), phone numbers of friends, phone numbers that I don't know who they belong to, dates of birth in the notes section at the bottom, and my personal favorites, sayings.

No, these aren't famous, and while a couple came from my kids, they are not all from them.

Money Sucking Booger- my daughter for having to ask again for money. " I hate to be a money sucking booger....". If you knew how refined she was, you would understand.

Decrodded- from a co-worker. Sounds funny.

You suck tar!- My daughter again. She said that to her brother, and I wouldn't doubt it.

Lazy pile- used to be lazy butt (hah! I said butt!). But as I was a lazy butt, I would shorten it to L.B. and no one could understand why I was calling myself a pound.

And you waited for it, so here it is, the best thing written on my calendar:

Target, Suburban Moms' crack- Generous hat tip to Sheryl at the Paper Napkin. http://papernapkin.typepad.com/papernapkin/ "My name is Momcani, and I am addicted to Target end caps. "

Is it bad that this calendar is still on August?