Sometimes, Stuff Sucks

You know, you put yourself out there, you say what you feel, lay it on the line, because you think that the truth will set you free. Well, they were right, it does set you free. It just won't always make you happy. I have been acting as if for two months. I said what I had to, (heck on this blog, it was read, then I deleted it. Cause I'm a coward.) and that's it. I do feel better. Just wasn't exactly what I expected. Oh, well. I know that I'm talking in code. Just disregard this paragraph.
Anyway, I hate to carry on "whoa is me", about the down side of working from home with a job and a half, but in order to have my weekends free, I try to get my 40 fours in Monday through Friday. Dr appointments, and lunch with my friends, because Damn it! I need to get out of this room! and having to work in blocks of time, I had to give up dancing tonight. Yes, I dance, no a pole is not involved. It is Scottish Country Dancing. Its like the dancing they did in the 1700's in the English courts, but more reels and jigs, and in kilts. No leaping over swords, but on your toes quite a bit.

This group that I am in I joined originally when I was 18. Loved it. Now, 20 years later, quite a few of the members who were in it when I was 18, and I thought were old then, turned out to be the age I am now. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? AND THEY ARE STILL DANCING!!!! No! You don't understand. This dancing will kill you! I'm not lying! Everything you do has to be done as I said, on your toes, down the middle and back, with 2 other couples, and eight hands around. Then you do it again from the second position. Oxygen is generally required through out the dance. It's torture. And fun. My kids love it. And they need younger members. And more men. I dance as a man equally as often as a lady. That's because I wear pants. Because, apparently after all these years, I am lead to understand that there are rules to this dancing. They are the Royal Scottish Country Dancers, and they take this very seriously.

But I didn't go. Also tonight was my daughters birthday, so I really didn't have the energy. So, I have just busted my butt, to get my 40 hours in on my real job, so that tomorrow, I can work some more at my fake job. I didn't want to work weekends, but the soon to be ex, comes over on the weekend as he still doesn't have his own place to see the see the kids. Which is fine, I don't think though that he has to see me. So I try to make myself scarce. Tiny little problem. The weekend is the only time I really get to spend with the kids, as I'M ALWAYS WORKING.


Not that I'm bitter.

There's always Sunday.

I want to say something about the National Intelligence Estimate. Briefly: Duh! (I'm actually very animated about this, but I just burned my last brain cell typing National Intelligence Estimate).

I'm gonna go drink now.

Tuesday Morning

Now, Tuesday is my day to kind of relax. I have nothing to do except my full time job, (read 2 posts back) so I like to take my time before I start working. Do what I need to, or have neglected all week, in the morning and work the afternoon into the evening. Today, as I'm typing, I'm improving the texture, and brightness of my hair (coloring and conditioning), and when I'm done, I'm going shopping for my martyr of a daughter, who will be (sob!) 19 on Friday, and who doesn't want anything! I have done enough! Paying part of college, for her books, the work clothes she needed, the lap top! She owes me!

Of course she does, duh! That goes without saying! Does she think I do this stuff for fun? No, I do this because somewhere along the line, I benefit. Remember, she is one of 4 who will pick my nursing home! I need all the brownie points I can get! But it is her birthday, so she has to know that no matter how bad it may be for me financially ( AND AGAIN, IT IS NOT THAT BAD), I'm going to do something for her. So let me tell you how lucky I am.

She is precious.

She is beautiful.

She is beautiful on the inside, and it makes her even more beautiful on the outside.

She is kind. She doesn't have to cure cancer, become president, run a big corporation. She has achieved enough in my eyes, just being the kind soul she is.

She is bold. In general she is a quiet person, but she will say what she feels, even if its not popular.

She is courageous. She is often afraid, but she knows that it won't get easier if it is ignored. She does what she has to, and come out the other side a winner.

She is compassionate. She has heart enough to feel bad for others, and will do what she can for them.

She is patient. She would not say so, but I see her with her brothers, and I know she is. I am not as patient as she is sometimes.

She is fair. She knows what's right.

She is the best thing in the world that has ever happened to me.

I can not properly do her justice. She is a wonderful person, despite my best efforts. No, she is not a good person because of me, she is a good person in spite of me. She is my best friend.
I am the one who has been given a gift. She is proof that there are everyday miracles.

I did not intend to get sappy today. A lot of people have asked how I do it. How do I work like I do and raise 4 kids? My answer is simple. I got very lucky. Not only with her, but those boys, too. Even at there worst, they are not that bad. Maybe someday I will eat these words, you know, for tempting fate. But I doubt it.

(I have been very sappy the last couple attempts at posting. My emotions are a little haywire at present. No! It's not that! I'm too young!)

TAH DAH!

Ok. I know I didn't create this template, but it should be easier to read. I was reading another blog with the black background, which I felt was fitting for mine, as I am "Bitter and Tired", but when I looked away, I had the weird optical effect of seeing the writing even though I'm not looking at it.

I have too much confusion in my life, I don't need to add to it. Of course, I lost my links, will have to do those again, and BlogRollIt doesn't recognize me anymore, but details, baby details!

Busy! Busy! Busy!

My goodness! If I didn't know better, I would swear that the Drs I work for have it in for me! The census has gone way up, so every available moment I have on the computer, is devoted to them.
Oh, sure, working at home....

****great, my daughter, my 19 year old daughter, just growled at me. No, forgive me, it was a roar. She was demonstrating how good of a roar-er she is and the the dog didn't even flinch when she did this to her. This is my life, times four. Five, if you count the dog.******

Ok, working at home has its advantages, like the flexibility to work when I want to, or need to, or can. My youngest was home today and I did not have to burn one hour of my 314.75 hours of PTO to be a good mom and take care of him. (I'll never get to take that .75 hour. That's not allowed. It was never allowed, but it could be done, which is why I have it, but they changed KRONOS so it can't be done now. Is it my fault that they didn't put all the necessary safe guards in to begin with? Why am I being punished?) I do have a unique situation in that I work 2 jobs. Sitting here at home I can look as sloppy as I want to. But I do have to look presentable at the second job as I'm a receptionist. For an eye doctor, so I suppose I don't have to look REALLY great, as the patients have trouble seeing, and not that I do, but I can't very well roll up in jeans and a t -shirt that has"THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!!" emblazoned across the front! ( Got it at Disney World of all places!).

When I worked at the office, I would get up at 6:00, get ready, get the kids up, off to school, on to work, at 4:00, leave the full time job, drive to the part-time job, and be appropriately dressed at both places. Now, I get up, pull on jeans, cause that's one of the perks, right? Get the kids off to school, sign on to my computer and work. At about 3 o'clock, stop to change, go to part time job. At this point, I'm already down an hour. And on Mondays and Wednesday, I have to stop at 1:30, to pick my daughter up from school. We have to work in 3 hr increments, so no point getting back on, when I'm going to leave again.

If I get off at the part time at 7:30, fine, but Monday night I was there until 9:00. By the time I get home, eat, kiss the kids good night, it's closer to 10:00. No way I can work for 3 hours. So now I'm down even more time.

I'm not complaining, boo! hiss! wah! I don't like this! I'm just saying that there are adjustments to be made, and along the way, something has to give for right now. So why the dog isn't upset when roared at, isn't real high on my list of priorities. I'm a work at home mom, not a stay at home one.

September 11th Remembered

Yes, I know that there as a lot of tributes out there. The one everyone should be reading is the 2996 Project (www.dcroe.com/2996/?page_id=2). Bloggers are paying tribute to those who lost there lives on that September morning. I was in Florida, at the Magic Kingdom, taking my children on a childhood trip of a lifetime, when they announced that the park was closing. It wasn't until we were getting on the monorail to go back to the hotel that we heard what had happened.

I wasn't angry about it for a long time. I was sad. Very sad. I would cry at the drop of a hat. It took me a long time to get over the shock. I can't see those numbers,9/11 and not think of it, on my adding machine, my clock, my vcr. On the first anniversary of the attacks, I read a very nice tribute, in of all place, my grocery ads. Yep. Right between Idaho peaches for 68 cents a pound and Shurfine eggs, 28 cents a dozen, limit 2 please, was this tribute:

TOGETHER WE'RE EVEN BETTER!

"The events of last September changed the world in many ways, for many people. We know they did for us. Gone was the idea that bad things happen elsewhere. Erased was a good deal of our innocence and our sense of absolute security. Some of us even began to wonder when, rather than if, terrible things would occur again.

But there were also some good feelings that grew from those despicable acts. We noticed more old fashioned pride and patriotism than any of us can remember. We see the flag displayed routinely-everywhere- and we find ourselves openly discussing the value of family, friends, and the freedoms we enjoy. We are realizing that September 11th didn't tear down, as much as it built up, our faith in America and our resolve to keep our country and this community the best it can be...Forever.

So as we pause to think of those who perished and the heroes that emerges on a horrific day, let us also remind ourselves that there is gain in our loss and together, we are even better."

I have faith. I believe. May God bless the victims of September 11th, and may He continue to give comfort to their families and friends.

Another Call

I don't know if my number has always been popular with these survey companies, as I didn't work at home before, but I got another call today. This is mt third in a week. This one equally distressing.

Caller: May I speak to the lady of the house?

Me: This is.

Caller: Hi! My name is (insert something Perky sounding here). I'm not trying to sell you anything, or get you to try a new product, I would just like to ask you some questions regarding the radio station that you listen to.

Now, I know a lot of you would have hung up. But, I'm ashamed to say it, I once was a telemarketer. I only did inbound and surveys, I swear! I work for Gallup at one time. You know Gallup, as in Gallup poll? They're respectable, right? ALRIGHT! Once I sold season tickets for the local triple A baseball team, but that was just calling established customers, not cold calling. I've been where this girl is. Telemarketer, or drive thru girl at a fast food restaurant. These jobs are the ones you take when you are desperate, and have hit rock bottom. Do you think that they want to do this? HECK NO! These are people that are on the edge. I always try to be kind, at least not rude. There but for the grace of God.......

So we continue.

Caller: What is your age?

Me: (I hesitate. Not because I'm ashamed of my age, no, I've earned every year, but because I can't remember right away). Uhhhh, 42.

Caller: Are there any other females in the house hold under that age?

Me: Yes.

Caller: Is she available?

Me: No.

Caller: When would be a good time to reach her?

Me: You don't want to ask me?

Caller: No Ma'am, we are interested in the listening habits of younger people.

Me: Did you just call me Ma'am?

Caller: Yes, so when would be a better time to reach the other female?

Me: NEVER! AND DON'T EVER CALL MY HOUSE AGAIN! LIKE I HAVE TIME FOR THIS! DAMN TELEMARKETERS!!

caller: Telemarketers try to sell things, I'm just interested....

Me: Yeah! I heard, just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm stupid, or forgetful! Now listen, what was your name again?

Caller: (insert perky name here)

Me: Yeah, well (insert perky name here, that ah,hah! I did forget, but stupid girl, she didn't catch it), don't ever call my house again. Like, because I'm 42 my opinion doesn't matter!

Caller: But ma'am, we are interested only in a particular demograph......

I slammed the phone down. Not really, I just pushed the talk button, but in my heart, I was slamming it!

Ma'am!


I gotta stop answering the phone. Its very upsetting.

Religion and Politics

As I am sure is happening across the country, a well liked incumbent and a new challenger are running for senate here in Nebraska. The incumbent has been a governor as well as a senator and his appeal crosses party lines as he has always put the state first. The challenger, started his own company, made a success of it, and now want to take what he learned/knows and apply it to politics.

For the record, I do not like the challenger. There is something in his manner that seems, too polished. While the incumbent has been a politician for a long time, he still comes across as approachable. The other guy seem phony.

Yes, I know! What are the issues? Where do they stand? I am judging the challenger based on an impression? You're right! We do deserve what we get here! But I just got a call from a survey company, who, at the end of the questions, said that the survey was paid for people who support the challenger, and you know, it wasn't that he asked them, I would have felt the same had either asked, but that he did ask them, well I don't care for the implication.

The questions start off, what is the most important issue facing Nebraskans today? Taxes, immigration, couple other things, no big surprise, I said taxes. We here in Nebraska are concerned mainly with 3 things: the weather, football and taxes, and not necessarily in that order. I believe that a majority of the people from this state would call us"The Tax Me State." We are forever fighting for relief. If we get a break from the county, the state comes in and ups the liability. I owed more to the state than I did to the feds on my taxes this year. But hey! I don't have to pay taxes on groceries! Yet.

The questioned continued, would I support a plan for securing our borders? Yes. If the election were held today, who would I vote for? The incumbent for the senate, the challenger for governor. What is my opinion of the OTHER senator from Nebraska, Senator Hagel? He's ok, but I don't always agree with him. Am I pro-life, or pro-choice? Pro-choice. Would I support an amendment to the constitution stating that marriage should be between and man and a woman only? No. Do I attend church regularly? No.

That was the question that got me. I didn't like it. I know most of the views of both the men running. To be fair, Nebraska is a Republican state, and has conservative values. A lot of people in this state would agree with some of my answers above. But I was struck by the question. It seemed to imply that if I didn't agree with what the challenger believed, that it was because I don't go to church! I am Godless and that is the reason that I want women to have abortions, and to let gays marry! I don't have a strong religious foundation because I don't attend church!

Am I wrong that that question seems inappropriate? I can hear the adds now, ..."Most people who support Senator Ben Nelson are for gay marriage, abortions and don't attend church regularly....." Wow! Sorry, but that seems so slimey!

This is probably why I pick my politicians based on my impressions. That he would ask the question, just lets me know that my impression was right.