So What's Your Dream Job?

A friend of mine was saying that his dream job was to paddle a canoe down the river (I don't know which one), and identify dead trees. That to him, was heaven. I of course countered that my own dream job was to be the bread stick lady at Fazoli's. Distributing happiness in a basket, is to me, better than a Walmart greeter. That is because, I am at that age that I resent having to work, and that I didn't marry for money.I remember my Mom at this age. She was a bartender, because, well, she was trained for nothing else. She was talked into working under the table and now at the age of 69, I have mixed emotions about my Dad dying. On the one hand, my children will never know him (not necessarily a bad thing, save it for another blog), but on the other hand, my Mom now get $500 dollars more a month because he died. That is because she grew up in the generation that the Mom stayed at home and took care of the house and kids. We were the average 60's-70's family. We got 3 new outfits for each new school year, we all dressed alike at Easter, just a different hat and shoes, and we were stair step in height. I had no aspiration after high school except to get married and have kids and be a Mom.

That doesn't mean that I did not believe in equal rights, I did. One of the point of the equal rights movement was the right to choose. I have always been secure in my abilities. I have nothing to prove. I can't fight thousands of years of evolution with one stand, so I accept that there will be individuals that will think less of my abilities, by virtue of my sex. I can only lead by example. I can raise my daughter to know that there is no limits, but the road will be hard, I can raise my sons to know that their sex does not insure that they will succeed. They will fail or succeed on there own merits. Their sister, well, she may be judged by her sex, but her reputation is not what matter, rather her character is what is important. As long as all of my children are true to themselves, no one can make them feel inferior.

So, I told my kids that at this bitter and tired stage in my life, handing out bread sticks doesn't seem like a bad job at all. They of course laughed at me, saying that I wouldn't be able to just hand out the bread sticks, that I would ask," Did you finish your sandwich? No? Well, I'm not gonna give you a breadstick to waste. You have to finish your meal, before you can have another!" They're righ,t of course. I am all about power. So I started thinking: If money, time, training were no object, what would I want to do?Think about that. If there was nothing standing in your way, what would you be?

I think I would have to say, that I would be a coordinator. I would like to take my experience of getting kids dressed, lunches made, deadlines met, working a job and a half, and channel that into something creative. Not necessarily a manager, more like a supervisor. Remember I'm at the lazy stage, you know, tired? I would love to be a supervisor of a play, or a fund raiser, or even a editor of a publication, anything, that had a deadline. I like to have a line drawn in the sand. While I can definitely boss people around, and I'm creative, I'm creative in the moment. I don't think I could do it for the long haul, but I could help someone else get there. I'm attentive, and if its doable, I can do it.

I know that that's not an actual "job" but I think I'm an untapped resource. I have a clear vision. I can see down the road, and if I see that it isn't gonna happen, I will say so. But I also like to fight for the underdog, so I won't give up. Maybe charity work, not the glory work, but the behind the sense work is where I should be. I never expect anything. I do what is the right thing to do. Which is why I have the job I have. Kids gotta eat. And if that means I work a job and a half, doing something that chose me, then that's what I do.So what would your dream job be? If you could do anything, no obstacles, what would you do?

No Bike Riding Tonight!

OK. I had made up my mind all week that I wouldn't go on the trail. I am barely recovered from the last ride. But, I'm such a puppet. Everyone knew that I went so when asked if I was going again, I said yes. I know. I have no backbone.
Anyway, I waited TWO HOURS for my friend to show up to take us to the trail. We live in Nebraska, the trail is in IOWA. We really don't like to talk about that much, but sometime we have to cross the river. Anyway, he's 2 hours late, so, he thinks its best not to go. YEAH! Its 9:10 pm. Very bad idea to go. So I mention that a friend of ours brother is playing at a local bar with a couple of guys he goes to school with. Did he want to go? We go, and oh my God, guys! These kids were awesome! The are called J.J. Walker, Wheeler, something with a W, and they are just 3 guys in the same class at school. They play Cash, Thorgood, Jennings, Credence, and they were great! This was just a little hole in the wall bar, but the OWNED it!

To be perfectly honest, I had more fun doing that, then riding a bike 20 miles. For the record though, I could do neither one, everyday. It was nice just to go, drink and listen to some good music. Maybe the trail again next week. We'll see!

The Trail

I went bike riding again last night. Now, don't! I am not turning into a bike blogger! I just wanted to share all the reasons that I hate this trail.

1) This trail is uphill.
Both ways. Kid you not. the start of it isn't as steep as the end, but, wow! I don't like hills. They are gonna kill me.
2) It is 20 miles from point a to point b and back again.
I know! What the hell am I think? Am I freaking Lance Armstrong? Heck no! I'm not even Vance Armstrong, I'm not even in his family!
3) Bugs.
Every one that you can think of, I encountered. Chiggers, mosquito's, spiders. I have, 24 individual bites on me. That was from a 10 minute stop 15 minutes from the end of the first half of the trail. Stopped for a drink of water, and the chain mysteriously came off the gears. I suspect a swarm of locust are responsible as my bites are of biblical proportions.
4) The trail is bowed.
This trail used to be an old railroad line. The ties were removed, and whalah! A bike trail! Oh, sure some people walk it, and there are occasionally horses on it, but it is a bike trail. Every Thursday for 40 weeks out of the year, bikers descend on this trail. Some get started earlier than other, so there is traffic going both ways. So that the trail is bowed is kind of a drag! One wobble, and you are in the foliage!
5) The trail crosses roads.
Its self not so bad, but as the road is raised, each approach is an experience in terror and physical pain. You have to climb just that much more, but you also have to pause to make sure that there are no cars. If you don't, you become a graceless hood ornament.
6) Bugs.
Oh, yeah, I already mentioned them. But there are not only the buffet variety, but there are all of those little fly bugs that just seem to be attracted to your lungs. Yes I know. Fat free protein.

Now why would anyone go on this trail? Well let me tell you what are a few upsides.

1) There is a bar at the end of this trail.
They serve margheritas and tacos. Hamburgers, too.
2) Everyone else in this bar looks like you.
This is not the typical bar scene. Everyone else is sweaty and smelly and has helmet hair. At this bar, all are created equal.
3) Its not the Tour de France, but it means something to ride it.
Hundreds of people ride this trail every Thursday night. You are among the few, the crazy, the bikers. At the 10 anniversary of this ride, there were thousands of people there. It really is something. (I was there on the 10th anniversary, but had to be driven there because I couldn't finish.....but I tried, damn it!).
4) There is a bar at the end of this trail.
If your gonna risk death from heart failure, its worth it if there is a margharita being dangled in front of you. Am I wrong?

Now for the news. I came. I saw. I said no flipping way. I finished. High five for me! And a "you go girl!"

I'm never doing it again.....maybe. I'm pretty sure. Perhaps.

Rainy Days and Sundays

Ok, I was reading the Paper Napkin this morning and found out that with my last post, I violated the code. The unwritten Blogger code, of not posting on the weekends. While I knew that a lot of people don't post on the weekend, I didn't know it was a rule. More like a guideline really, and I was saying that way before Pirates of the Caribbean came out!

But it doesn't change the fact that I broke a rule/guideline/trust, whatever. I wish to offer my most sincere and heartfelt apologies for this. I'll try to do better.

On the other hand, I am supposed to be working during the day, and it appears in the evenings, too, so sometimes, I will have to post on the weekend. I don't know why I'm suddenly behaving like a dedicated employee, but I am. Maybe its because they trusted us enough to do this from home now, I don't know. I think though, its because I can post on the weekend now, where before I would have had to go into work to do it, so I guess I'm don't have as great a character as I thought.

Anyway, as I am posting, I did survive the bike ride. I left after I thought the rain had stopped. And it did. Until I got to the end of the trail. Then it poured. A lot. For a very long time.

Now, I am on my bike, in the rain, no shelter, and it isn't letting up. What to do? I feel stupid just stopped at the end of the trail. So I head back. Yeah, by the time I get back, I'm looking real sweet, covered in rain water and mud. I hesitate at my stop, should I go on? I'm feeling great, the rain is letting up, this is perfect. I was turning the bike back to the trail when a flash of lightening and a huge, nasty clap of thunder that I swear came from 10 feet behind me, struck.

While I was prepared to die of heart failure, I didn't want to be barbecued. So back home I went.

I went again this morning, and kids, I love it. I'm probably not going that far, and hills? Well, not too many on this trail, but it just the total joy of riding. I know its good for me, but I don't want to do it for that reason. I just want to do because its fun. My kids have occasionally gone with me, and while a very nifty safety net (kids can't make it? Sad! Guess we have to go back!) I get to a certain point and I don't want to stop. I want to keep going.

Don't worry, I mean gosh! I'm not going to turn into a jock or anything. And besides, I hate helmet hair. But my kids say that I seem to have more energy once I get back, so as long as I don't think of it as exercise, I should be ok.

I got Links!

Hey kids! I was going to go bike riding this morning, so I hauled it out at 7:30, and just as I'm getting ready to leave, it starts to rain. I love bike riding, but my real reason is that a friend of mine invited me to go with him bike riding and it was made painfully clear(literally and figuratively), that I am out of shape. Ending up as a pile on the parking lot is not the way to gather admirers, so for myself, and no one else (because he was so not worth that! (yes he was)), I am going to start riding again. Don't be that impressed. This could very well be one of my last post, as I will probably end up in the creek that runs along the trail, because of the heart attack I'll be having. I went yesterday morning and made it back home, but for the record that was under loud and obscene protest from my body.
Anyway, because I had time this morning, I went to blogrolling and added the links of some of the people I read here. You will have to scroll down as they are listed at the bottom of the page, but at least they are there. While not all of them know me as a friend, I do adore them. If nothing else, you will now see that I recognize talent.

I am going to attempt that bike ride now. Oh and yes, I am posting this from home.

Making Up for all The Time I Spent Staring Out the Window

We have just hired 4 new VERY young Doctors. I am in the process of breaking them in, you know, documentation wise, so I haven't had a lot of time to look up and around. On top of that, there is the annual pilgrimage to Target for back to school. After buying backpacks, notebooks, socks, underwear (Why? No one is gonna see them?), tissues, liquid soap, (yes, we parents have to provide tissues, soap, and glue sticks) I'm beat.

Also, as my son is going to Overacheiver High this year, I have to attend a MANDATORY meeting with my freshman, so that they can tell us what a great district they are, because they are issuing each student there very own lap top. They need to tell my freshman that this is a very important part of the curriculum, and that my freshman will be expected to bring it to school every day. I have to attend so that I know that if my freshman forgets to bring it to school everyday, I will have to bring it to him. I have to sign a contract to that effect. Oh, and I can purchase insurance for this lap top for $25 a year.

Can't sign up for that fast enough. Are they kidding? It a teenage boy they are issuing this lap top to. I'm not a total idiot!

Starting Friday, I will be working from home. I am moving this whole show there.....just as the kids go back to school. SWEET! So I will be busy trying to figure out how to hook everything up proper, but don't worry, I have a teenager on stand by to help me out. I can't be trusted with this task, that's for sure. I have already contacted my own personal help desk to see what else I will need. So patience everyone. When this is done, it'll be great!

Ewwww! Blah!

Hello. I was looking back at some of my recent posts, and wow! What a downer Donna I am (or is it Debbie, I've only seen the skit once, but I like Donna better). If you were directed here out of respect for Vince opinion, for gosh sakes! Don't hold it against him! He really has good judgment. I've visited some of the sites he recommends and they are awesome. I'm just not sure what direction I'm going in here, so, it may seem a little bi-polar or perhaps schizophrenic (No it doesn't! Yes it does!) for a while. I really enjoy just be able to say what you think and feel.

Now if I could just get over being so paranoid.......Oh! And if I could figure some crap out! I go to the help topics on the blogger... Is it dashboard? And I read all the topics (an incredibly HUGE waste of company time! I work on a 20 inch monitor, facing a hallway that every person in the administration departments walks by and can see. I should just put a sign that says "Fire me, will ya!" on the back of my head). I haven't figured out how to put the links to great site along the side of the page. (Hello, my name is Momcani and I am blogger illiterate.......).

Oh! Also and as well, if anybody knows, how come I can delete a post (impulsive of nature, speak before I think, etc), but the title still stays? Its like a tease. Provocative title, but no post.

Yeah. I've got issues. Help a girl out. Yeah, I know my kids probably know how to fix this stuff but they can't know about this blog, its bad enough that I told one person about it, if I thought I censored myself before, that would just be like the kiss of death.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.

Having to Cut Back

I was asked to go to lunch today with some friends. They had a craving for Oriental Chicken Salad and wanted me to go with. In the past, I would have said sure. But there are two reasons now that I don't. The first is that the Nazi micro managing pig that does payroll decided to automatically have a lunch deducted from our hours because one person complained that someone else was taking a longer than 30 minute lunch. So rather than confront the individual, a new policy was instituted that effects us all. Never mind all those times that we have worked through our lunch while sipping on a SlimFast, it not her fault we are fat. One person has given her an opportunity to be even more involved in our work day. This is a side effect of working with a bunch of insecure, bitchy woman.

The other reason is because, I am down to my own paycheck for support. I have stated before that I am impulsive in speech and actions, and this is one of those times when that kind of nature got me into trouble. When I asked my husband to leave, he said he would....as soon as we had the bills paid off. (I'm still puzzled by that, I mean, ...). I wanted him to leave so I said,"Don't worry about that, just go." He said,"How will you get by?" and I said, "Don't worry about me, I don't need your money..."

Another one of my failings is my pride. Normally not a failing, no, but again, this time it is hurting me. I don't want to ask him for money. I know! I am well aware of the fact that he has 4 kids, and doesn't he think he needs to support them? You're right! I agree! But apparently the answer to this is, no, he doesn't think that. I said, I didn't need his money. So I must not. I do not want to ask him for it. I'm not being fair to the kids, I know. But before you lecture me, I can pay for their food, clothing and the house. But there isn't a lot left over. School is starting soon, so the kids need new shoes, backpacks, at least a couple new shirts. My daughters tuition is due on the 8th. Not to mention the fact that I am fast approaching the Birthday season (3 of them have Sept birthdays, boy did I plan poorly!). I guess its just that I feel that I shouldn't have to ask. I mean come on! Taking the kids for Chinese food once a week, and putting caulk around a window isn't really fulfilling the obligation he has.

But its my fault. I took care of all these details when we were together. I would get mad at him when he would buy things without consulting me. He was not in the loop finacially, so now that he doesn't have me to answer to, he's like a teenager with his money. Its his. He is staying with his parents, not paying rent, just paying his car payment, insurance, and credit card, he works hard, why can't he spend it?

This is the hole I dug for myself. We were separated a couple of years ago, and this happened before. When I took him back, I made it clear that that was the reason...money. Not because I had a change of heart, money. I'm stupid because I am letting my pride interfere. I had the example shown to me by my mother. My dad told her "You'll come crawling back to me, begging me to take you back." She didn't. I grew up in poverty because of that. I don't know why the women in my family are so full of shit, we just are.

I'm So Easy!

Impulsive of nature, that's me. I do and say things in the moment. After I think about it, I realize that maybe I shouldn't have said it that way, or said it at all, or did it that way, but oh well. We can't change the past, just learn from it, and move on. Or not. I don't know, I don't have all the answers.

However, for now, I will still post here. Vince, you rock star, thanks. See how easily I can be manipulated? Don't tell anybody though. I have worked very hard at creating the illusion that I'm a mean ole woman, and if word get out that I can be done in by a few kind words, well that its for you! In a totally, non aggressive way, I mean that.

Edit: I think I was spammed. The first clue was that this was not a clever post, but when it linked me to a game.....